BOOKS | Dude writes like a lady? Stephens Gerard Malone thinks he has every right to lie about his identity to get published.

A cover (not the original HC) of Miss Elva

Men can’t write convincingly about women.

At least, that’s what a whole bunch of publishing companies told Stephens Gerard Malone. Though he had numerous literary agents championing his first novel, Endless Bay, this writer couldn’t hook himself a book deal, he says, because his protagonist was a woman.

All that changed when Stephens Gerard Malone took on the pseudonym “Laura Fairburn.”

Though he hadn’t changed a word of the story, suddenly, he says, Endless Bay found a home with Mercury Press and Stephens Gerard Malone was well on his way.

Now promoting his sophomore effort – Miss Elva – Malone’s gone back to using his real name.

What sense is there in ill-gotten achievement if a fake you is getting all the credit, amirite? Anyway, he is ready and willing to comment on how he beats the odds – and the cynics.

I talked to Malone by phone on August 9^th, 2005, from his publisher’s offices at Random House, Toronto. Here’s a bit of what he had to say:

You’ve had a lot of  jobs – what was the best one and what was the worst one?

The worst job I’ve had was being a waiter. It’s a hard job. Anyone who thinks anybody can be a waiter obviously hasn’t done it. ‘Cause it’s a hard job. I honestly spilled food down people’s front.

Writing fiction is the best job I’ve ever had. I’m not at a place where I can do it full time yet, but doing what you’ve always wanted to do and getting paid for it is a dream come true.

How did you find time to write?

I’m not married and I don’t have kids. That’s pretty much it.

I work during the day and I hit the computer at night. I guess there’s no magic sequence – you can’t do it all. You make choices and my choice was to be a published novelist and the price has been no family.

I’m not using any creative energy by doing my day job, and I need to unwind by doing something creative.

Let’s talk a little about Endless Bay. How many publishers was it rejected by before you started using the pen name?

I’ll tell you, I don’t have the number, but one of the things I used to do as a motivating thing is I used to paper the wall of my kitchen with rejection slips. But recently on an episode of Law and Order there was a serial killer who did that, so I’m not sure that’s a good thing. One publisher did say, “men writing in women’s voices just don’t work.” I came up with the pseudonym and … it worked.

Was the feedback generally positive? Stuff like ‘We like you’re novel, but you’re a guy so we can’t take it’? 

Not with Endless Bay but with other manuscripts it was pretty positive. I’d been seriously trying to get published since 1980, so I’d amassed a whole trunk of unpublished manuscripts. I had agents – plenty of people who were willing to take me on at various times – so there was enough encouragement over the years for me to stick with it.

I always thought it was going to happen if I stuck with it. And it did.

A version of this piece published in Dose on August 22, 2005. See clipping below. Jump below that for thoughts from 2018.

Published in Dose, August 22, 2005.

2018: Of course, as an adult woman (instead of a baby journalist) I now think Stephens Gerard Malone is a real doofus.

I’m so annoyed that I bothered to include this book and this interview in my column. At the time, I think I agreed with Malone, and thought “political correctness” was some kind of bad thing.

We’ve come a long way since and I think it’s now more clear than ever that it actually is super fucked up for white men to continue to take up so much of the literary landscape, and to do so while appropriating (actually, stealing) the voices of marginalized people. YOU ARE TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE, MEN. PLEASE STOP SPREADING.

It’s so funny to me now that I let Malone say, “It’s just political correctness … like criticizing a white author for writing in a black voice.” I didn’t challenge him at all! I think I was too busy trying to churn out another piece that would (surprise surprise) please the coterie of white men who were my bosses.

I also basically praise him for being a total liar to get his book published.

Like, talk about punching down. The publishing community is already biased in favour of white men, but this guy thinks he’s some kind of hero for taking a woman’s pen name to sell his book? I mean. What. On. Earth?

For the record, my contemporary perspective is this: decrying “political correctness” is the white man’s way of turning “treating people with respect” into a bad thing. This is not an original idea, but it’s a good one. There’s even a Chrome extension that replaces the words “political correctness” with “treating people with respect” if you’re interested.

Also? Criticizing a white author for writing in a black voice is totally fucking valid. White authors, please stop. Don’t even try this shit anymore. Instead, support and champion the voices of actual black people. Make space for them in your little club.

Nobody is saying you “can’t”. That’s not how this works. But should you?

Should you take up space and appropriate the voices of people you are just imagining, when there are real life individuals out there who can tell those stories, first-hand, no imagination required, and who are being actively stonewalled by your industry? SHOULD YOU? Nah, bruh. You should NOT.

And FYI, having a wife and family probably would have given this dude more time to write, not less. Wives take on so much of the domestic labour and so much labour in general, having a wife is actually a big factor behind the success of many dudes in many fields. This is very well documented. So. Sigh. What a load of crap.

Finally, dudes, stop trying to write women, full stop.

You’re not even very good at it. Sorry. This clearly turned into a bit of a rant.

Also, not for nothing, but look at fucking Dose putting a photo of a drag queen with this piece. I was a 25 year old idiot, sure, but I had NOTHING to do with that disgusting decision.

More books and authors pieces are here.

Stuff from the baby journalist chronicles, here.

More interviews are here.